


Interchangeable

by Kezi



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fusion, but there's some fluff... sad fluff, p sad, pearlmethyst - Freeform, takes place during keystone motel, they hate themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7194410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kezi/pseuds/Kezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Y . . . You love it too, d-don't you?" She manages to ask, fingernails digging into her sides, squeezing. She doesn't like the sound of her own voice, raw, weary, trembling with a weakness that mortifies her. "The rush . . ."</p><p>"It's great," Amethyst mumbles lowly in reply, voice melancholy. Her hands move to Pearl's sides, prying her fingers from between her ribs, holding them tight. "Makes me feel worth something, y'know?"/</p><p>After the events of Cry For Help, Pearl feels worthless and Amethyst knows the feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interchangeable

**Author's Note:**

> was writing this ages ago but then i saw cry for help again today and it inspired me to finish this so

She had thought, maybe, that she could hold out a little longer after their departure, perhaps even until the next day, however, as she bends over at her middle, forehead to her thighs, unable to stop the relentless overflow of hurt and tears and self-loathing, it appears that this isn't the case.

Amethyst is here, at least, and she thinks Amethyst has _been_ here, lurking around and about, as if she has somehow been expecting something like this to occur all along.

Pearl supposes she's been predictable, though— struggling to hold herself together throughout the entire morning, Amethyst rubbing slow, consoling circles into her back as she chokes on each raggedly inhaled breath, sobbing repeatedly to her knees, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry . . ."

"I know you are, P."

And there's something about this tone- gentle, considerate- that registers something within Pearl-

She understands, Amethyst understands, she _understands_ . . .

And, most of the time, she tends to believe that Amethyst doesn't perceive, or listen, but she remembers the day before, remembers what she said. She gets it.

"Y . . . You love it too, d-don't you?" She manages to ask, fingernails digging into her sides, squeezing. She doesn't like the sound of her own voice, raw, weary, trembling with a weakness that mortifies her. "The rush . . ."

"It's great," Amethyst mumbles lowly in reply, voice melancholy. Her hands move to Pearl's sides, prying her fingers from between her ribs, holding them tight. "Makes me feel worth something, y'know?"

The new onslaught of tears burn her eyes. She squeezes them shut, nodding, agreeing and there hasn't been anything that she's agreed on more.

" _Yes_ ," her body shakes again as she practically chokes the word out. It feels so wonderful to be strong with her. _Something_ with her.

Amethyst releases one of her hands, drying the tears that trail along her cheeks. Pearl watches her, biting her lip to stifle her hiccups.

"I knew what you were doing," Amethyst says quietly, and the way her eyes hesitantly meet hers rustles something deep in her chest. "And I almost didn't wanna say anything, cuz, y'know-" She averts her gaze, shrugging. "I hate how it feels to be just me."

Pearl stares at her, and she _knows_ —the entire notion has ultimately smacked her in the face that day at the Kindergarten, but even so, it still startles her how similar their emotions are.

“But, like, it wasn’t fair to Garnet,” Amethyst continues, voice soft and without reproach or blame, and Pearl greatly appreciates it, “so I had to- to say _some_ thing.” The hand on her face does less drying, settling for more of a gentle caress. “Still, I’m sorry for snitchin’ on you, P.”

And something about Amethyst’s tone makes her uneasy. So maybe she’s not blaming Pearl, but there’s a manner that sounds an awful lot like she’s blaming herself, perhaps, for tattling, for being the reason Pearl was caught.

She touches the hand resting against her cheek. "Thank you . . . you and Steven both. If you hadn't said anything, I don't think I . . ." She falters, hand to her mouth. She really wouldn't have stopped, would she? She would have went on, seeing how far she could go, seeing how long she could feel wonderful all while deceiving Garnet.

One hand digs painfully into her thigh. She really is the worst.

Amethyst just shakes her head. "Ahhhh, P, don't beat yourself up about it. Nobody's . . ."

Pearl looks pointedly across at her. The unspoken words hang in the air, present nevertheless.

 _Perfect_.

Especially, especially not them.

And she can’t help burying her head in her hands.

“But it’s not just her,” she suddenly admits, a despondent mumble, feeling the incessant sting of tears in her eyes, the weight of this weakness, and her mistakes, and her shame.

Something else that she hates about herself- this constant desire to be anything but alone.

Pearl rubs her eyes, but the wetness won’t cease. “J-Just- just whenever I _fuse_ , I feel like something. I feel special.” She thinks, briefly, of warmth, of security, of the ability to let go and just _feel_. She thinks of Opal, and maybe she’s been thinking of her all along. “I feel at peace.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” Amethyst murmurs, words tender in away that disarms her.

A silence comes next, but it isn’t strained, or awkward, or particularly comforting- Pearl just knows that there’s something else waiting there on the purple gem’s tongue.

Then, “Hey, P, between you’n me . . .” Amethyst sinks into the seat beside her, and when she glances up at her, Pearl finds her expression almost shy, “I feel like that best when I’m with you.”

She intertwines their fingers again, and her nose is running again- she’s crying again, but she feels, just a bit, like she’s floating.

Her hand shakes in Amethyst’s, and Amethyst steadies it, brings their heads closer, kisses the tears lightly from her face and off the curve of her nose and away from the angle of her jaw . . .

Pearl never knew she could make anyone feel like that.

All at once, she lets her arms wrap snugly around the form of the gem beside her and pulls her close, pressing her lips firmly to Amethyst’s cheek, and watching her lavender eyelashes flutter in response.

“Thank you for telling me that . . .” She means it, she means it _unconditionally_ \- it’s lifted some of the weight from her chest, and numbed the self-loathing, and the remorse is still, very present, but it needs to be.

After a breath, Pearl plants another kiss, a tentative one, closer to the corner of Amethyst’s mouth. “And thank you for sticking up for me.”

Amethyst hugs her back, her embrace firmer and warmer and everything that Pearl needs it to be. “Anything for you, P . . .”


End file.
